UntitledI recommend stats – a trendy abbreviation of the word ‘statistics.’

A couple of weeks ago I decided to stop browsing Reddit because it was an unnecessary distraction from life and is populated by a lot of people who I probably wouldn’t like if I met them. I was therefore in the market for a new time-slurper.

Loads of things have stats now. This blog is hosted by WordPress, which shows me constantly updating bar charts of how many people aren’t reading it. It also shows me which country those people are from (big shout out to the United Arab Emirates), which posts they read, and how they found the blog in the first place. It makes you feel like you’re in your very own GCHQ. You can even get an app on your phone so that you get a jolt of affirmation when the views hit the heady heights of 5, even while emptying any or all of your bowels.

Then I discovered that Twitter now lets you view the stats for each individual tweet you write. This is a blessing for digital narcissists like me, and with words like ‘impressions’ and ‘engagement’ being bandied about I feel like a sexy sexy marketing executive.

I am statman. Join me.

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