Die Hard

Die HardI think you would like the film Die Hard.

There is a list of films that I have not seen that I really should have. It’s mainly curated by my Dad, who is incredulous at the gaps in my movie knowledge and works to plug them. Somehow, up until five days ago, I had not seen the iconic action film Die Hard. Five days ago I had not seen any films in the Die Hard series. I have now seen all five, having been bought the Die Hard Legacy Collection for my birthday.

DAY ONE: Die Hard

A good action film is like a good cup of tea. It’s surprisingly rare and it’s surprisingly satisfying. Die Hard is a good action film. It’s got a good plot, good characters, and better actors. It has moments of tension, moments of humour, and effective plot twists. The different story strands are well-proportioned and woven together.

Bruce Willis is a likeable, gutsy, mouthy, all-American hero.

The late Alan Rickman is an excellent baddie, and his cool calculated criminal mastermind Hans Gruber is the perfect adversary for Willis’s John McClane.

Die Hard is the original that you’ve seen so many poor copies of, but the real deal doesn’t disappoint. It’s like Mum’s cooking after a month of al dente spaghetti and overdone peas.


DAY TWO: Die Hard 2

While Bruce Willis’s still-healthy hairline and the abundance of fax machines severely date Die Hard 2, it’s the airport setting which makes it clearly pre-9/11. I cannot imagine an action romp in which a plane full of people is blown-up could possibly be seen as good taste in America even now.

There’s some fun dialogue along the lines of “how could this possibly happen to me again?” and the film doesn’t take itself too seriously.

Like the first film, it’s generally very enjoyable and had some crafty twists up its celluloid sleeve.


DAY THREE: Die Hard With a Vengeance

I wondered if this was going to be the beginning of the end for Die Hard. It worked the first couple of times, but three films is probably starting to stretch it. I was wrong, and I am confident in saying that I have enjoyed 100% of movies released in the 90s which feature both Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson.


DAY FOUR: Die Hard 4.0

Today I decided to non-live blog my thoughts on the film:

I hope Bruce Willis doesn’t have a Samson-esque response to losing his hair between films.

His daughter? Is this about to become Die Hard meets Taken?

Well I’m glad he’s got a feisty female character to fight for.

Hang on a minute. This is a Dad film, isn’t it?

Oh no, I was wrong, it’s not Taken, it’s John McClane and Shit Neo teaming up for an odd-couple cop movie.

Ha ha, they like different things but they have to work together. How’s this going to work?

“You’re an analogue watch in a digital world.” – definitely a Dad movie.

That video was like Casetteboy and ISIS crossover.

It should be ellipsis followed by question mark, not question mark followed by ellipsis, right…?

WHAT?!? No, that can’t be for real.

I was right, it wasn’t.

Anyone who knows how to use computers is probably immoral. Good job luddite John McClane is on the job.

This feels a bit like Terminator Genisys.

“We’re in.” That’s how you do a hackering.

This film’s target audience is Hank from Breaking Bad.

John McClane literally just said “We didn’t do that in my day.” What happened to you John?

Looks like the ‘ctrl – z’ shortcut works on hacking.

You know when road safety ads say that a car is a weapon? This film really took that to heart.

At some point he’s going to say ‘Yipee kay aye mother fucker’ and it’s going to be a real let down.

Yes, let’s divert the search and rescue helicopters so we can save the data of America’s financial elite – I thought you were meant to be the good guys?

Parkour is so noughties.

It is Taken.

This is getting rather silly.

Very silly.

I was wrong again. That use of the ‘yipee kay ay’ line was pretty damn good.


DAY FIVE: A Good Day to Die Hard

A bit like this:

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