A Fortnight Of Culture: Part One

Chris.pngDue to exceptional planning, my friend Chris (pictured) has got two weeks between leaving his current job and starting his new one. As he has only ever seen one film ever (Cool Runnings) I have been tasked (by my own arrogance) with creating a schedule of stuff to fill his fortnight. This is Part One.




10 AM – Breakfast

Listen to Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band by The Beatles. It’s a cliché for a reason. It’s simply excellent. Do not bother eating or drinking anything at this point, this album is all the nourishment you need.


11 AM – Reflection Time

Reflect on Sgt. Pepper’s. Perhaps express your feelings through the medium of painting. Consider writing your thoughts down in a journal of some kind. You could also use this time to read the Wikipedia entry on the album. It may not become your favourite album, but you’ll feel like it should be.


12 AM – Book and Brunch

Read the book Animal Farm by George Orwell. It’s a quick and accessible read which will give you a lifelong mistrust of pigs. You will start to see what the Jews were on about. Eat some food along with this, despite my earlier jesting, it s important that you keep hydrated and well-fed in order to focus.


3 PM – Reflection Time

Your reflections on Animal Farm may involve re-watching some episodes of Winnie the Pooh. You will find that your views on Piglet will have drastically changed.


6 PM – This Evening’s Showing

This evening’s film is Pulp Fiction. All phones and talkative family members / partners / friends are banned, as they should be during all films. Pulp Fiction is another cliché, but once you’ve seen the clichés you will start to see the influence they’ve had and various references to them in popular culture, i.e; it will unlock a new level of wanky conversations you can have at parties.


9 PM – Reflection Time

Pulp Fiction reflection will include, but will not be restricted to, watching ridiculous Quentin Tarantino interviews on Youtube and attempting to memorise various pieces of dialogue from the film.



Today is Arctic Monkeys Day. You may have heard their work before, but you may not have fully appreciated it. Today we change that.

We’ll start with the film Submarine, which is bloody brilliant in its own right, but also has a great soundtrack by Alex Turner.

Reflect on Submarine by listening to the Submarine EP, buying the book it’s based on, and resolving to watch, listen to, and read everything that director Richard Ayoade has ever done.

Now go for a walk while listening to the album Suck It and See. You will enjoy hearing some full-band versions of Submarine songs, and the walking will force you to focus on what you’re hearing. The lyrics will cause a wry smile to appear on your face.

Next up is AM, their most recent album. Do some enthusiastic cooking while listening.

If you find that you have some time to spare at this point, consider trying the album The Age of the Understatement by The Last Shadow Puppets.

Crack open a bottle of the first booze you actually liked. Probably Pear cider, right? We’re going back to where it all started. You’re going to basically live their first album: Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not.

You need to put on the album and invite some friends round for pre-drinks, but they are only allowed to open their mouths if they’re singing along.

You will all need some good noise-cancelling headphones. Put them on and make your way to a night club. Once there, pretend that everyone else is also listening to Whatever People Say I Am. If you’re sufficiently drunk, ask the DJ to put it on, if they have any sense, they will.

You now need one of your friends needs to tell you an unbelievable story about San Francisco, then you all need to put on the appropriate footwear for dancing, leave the club, walk past a prostitute, and then get in a taxi.

This, however, is where you deviate from the narrative. You still have two more albums to go, so head back to the club and start listening to Favourite Worse Nightmares. Be careful though, you don’t want to listen to the whole album at this point. Before you get to the last track, 505, move onto the third album: Humbug. This will see you through to the end of the night. If you have some time to spare, consider putting on some tracks from the first album again.

Now walk home alone while listening to 505, it will be a beautifully melancholy end to a day of enlightenment.




10 AM – Breakfast

Listen to Nirvana’s MTV Unplugged album. Oh, you thought they were just a shouty yelly band? Wrong.


11 AM – Reflection Time

Reflect on how you prejudged Nirvana. Feel bad about it.


12 AM – The Early Showing

Today’s early showing is Cobain: Montage of Heck. It’s a great documentary which will give you some insight into the personalities behind the music, as well as providing a near-perfect visual accompaniment to their work.


3 PM – Reflection

Your reflection on Nirvana’s legacy may well involve listening to some Foo Fighters. Isn’t it fascinating that Dave Grohl went from drummer of Nirvana to front man of Foo Fighters? He’s like an even cooler Phil Collins.


6 PM – This Evening’s Showing

This evening’s film is The Matrix. It is better than Cool Runnings. It can be enjoyed on many different levels. Even if you don’t like all the cyber-punk aesthetics, philosophical musings, or leather, you will love the action.


9 PM – Reflection Time

Your Matrix reflections may include remembering that you misjudged Nirvana and shouldn’t do the same thing with the Matrix sequels.


10 PM – Choose your own adventure

It’s going to be another late one. Either listen to the Nirvana albums Bleach, Nevermind, and In Utero, or watch The Matrix sequels back to back (as they were intended to be viewed.)



10 AM – Breakfast

Listen to Angles by Scroobius Pip vs. Dan Le Sac and read the lyrics in Pip’s Poetry in (e)motion book. Eating and drinking are banned again, because it would be a terrible shame to get some crumbs or orange juice on such a beautiful book.


11 AM – Reflection Time

Reflect on the fact that I’m scheduling in a lot of stuff which has themes of freedom and self determination, yet here you are, still slavishly following the schedule I’ve drawn up for you. Have you learned nothing?


1 PM – Afternoon reading slot

This afternoon, read Anthony Burgess’ A Clockwork Orange. This should be served with a glass of ice cold Moloko.


4 PM – Reflect on the fact that they couldn’t ever possibly make a film of A Clockwork Orange. If they did, it would be banned. I mean, it’s pretty intense, right?


6 PM – This Evening’s Showing

This evening’s film is Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange. As if you didn’t see that coming.



10 AM – Breakfast

Listen to Modern Life Is Rubbish by Blur. Yeah, it’s not all Parklife and Song 2. You still haven’t learned your lesson, have you?


12 AM – Today’s marathon

It’s Friday, so why not have a triple bill of films? It’s Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost’s Cornetto trilogy.

Shaun of the Dead

Hot Fuzz

The World’s End

God, they’re good. You’ll be so pleased with how good they are, then you’ll watch this video:

And realise that they’re even better.


11 PM – Bonus Round


For the bonus round, watch Edgar Wright’s Scott Pilgrim Vs the World.

That concludes this week’s schedule. You’ve had an intense week. Take some time off over the weekend. Make some notes, maybe meditate. Take the time to ring me and thank me at length. You’re welcome.   

One thought on “A Fortnight Of Culture: Part One

  1. Bekah March 7, 2016 / 7:58 pm

    This. Is. Brilliant!! Some excellent recommendations there – special appreciation goes to the Beatles and Dave Grohl 😁


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